so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
