Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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