there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
