Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
