Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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