guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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