3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We named our party play list daddy issues
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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