i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
