Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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