it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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