Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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