every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
