She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
