how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
