Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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