Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
