i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
