oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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