$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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