i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
