Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
