pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
