a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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