Your tits are I can't wait for
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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