Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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