If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
