Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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