There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
