Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
