so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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