Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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