shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
