Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
