matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
