I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
