I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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