I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
