All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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