is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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