You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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