So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
