the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
