he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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