you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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