remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
