She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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