Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
