My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
