My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
