im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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