Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has the fingertips of a God
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
