Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
