I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
