I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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