I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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