Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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