God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
