I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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