I wish I could teleport
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
