She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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