Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
