The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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