He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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