So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she told me i tasted like america
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
