Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
