dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
