I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
