your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
