There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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