I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
