we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
