3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
