You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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