i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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