ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
