Im at strip club and am horny
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
