We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
