Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
