I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
