I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
