my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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