you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
