I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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