On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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